How much comedic talent does it take to make identity theft funny? If
that sounds like the setup to a bad joke, it is: Seth Gordon's "Identity
Thief."
After a series of credit problems culminating in his arrest, Denver
financier Sandy Bigelow Patterson (Bateman) learns that his identity has
been stolen. Detective Reilly (Morris Chestnut) helpfully discovers who
the perp is, but unhelpfully says the crime is out of local hands.
Sandy sets out to bring the criminal to justice himself, leaving his
home and wife Trish (Amanda Peet), in Colorado for Florida, where he
confronts "Sandy Bigelow Patterson," a.k.a. Diana (Melissa McCarthy).
Sandy could have Diana arrested for any number of things aside from
identity theft, including assault and carjacking, which he falls victim
to immediately. But he needs to get her to Denver where he hopes she'll
confess, so he chooses breaking-and-entering, assault, and kidnapping
(also, there would be no movie otherwise, which is possibly the one
thing that would not have been a crime).
The eventual road trip home together feels longer than it is. A
bounty hunter (Robert Patrick) and assassins Julian and Marisol (T.I.
and Genesis Rodriguez), add their one-dimensional drama to the journey,
during which enough shock-and-awful incidents occur to make anyone ask:
"Are we there yet?"
The outrageous McCarthy and straight-man Bateman play off each other
well, but their interactions have little chemistry, mostly due to a
total disregard for physics. How does a guitar smashed in the face leave
no mark? How does someone get up uninjured after being hit by a car?
This is the cartoonish universe where "Identity Thief" too often finds
itself.
There are quieter moments towards the end where some non-slapstick
humor is found, but these are overwhelmed by an abrupt and ham-handed
sentimentality. Whether "Identity Thief" is a pleasant or unpleasant
distraction, it only serves to distract from the real crime: the theft
of two hours from your life.
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