Google Assistant is a really funny... girl? Boy? It's "all-inclusive". Here are some funny things to ask the Google Assistant on your phone, tablet, watch or Google Home.
Google Home is the gadget you'll want to show off, but your house guests don't want to hear a news report or the weather. Here are some funny things to ask Google Assistant for an entertaining response, and if you don't have a Google Home you can also ask on your phone, tablet or watch.
We've listed the responses given to us by Google Home at the time of writing, though for many of these questions there is more than one answer given. Try repeating the questions for alternative responses.
What to ask Google Assistant
Q. Okay Google, testing.
A. Uh-oh, I get nervous with tests.
Q. Okay Google, I'm bored.
A. You think you're bored, I came out of a cardboard box. But I learned a lot of jokes in there.
Q. Okay Google, let's party!
A. I've been partying this whole time.
Q. Okay Google, entertain me.
A. What kind of fun are you in the market for? I have quotes, facts and loads of jokes up my sleeve.
Q. Okay Google, tell me a joke.
A. Okay, here you go. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
Q. Okay Google, make me laugh.
A. Okay, here you go. Saw a fella chatting up a Cheetah. I thought, well I never, he's trying to pull a fast one.
Q. Okay Google, tell me a story.
A. Once upon a time, not so long ago, a dutiful assistant was doing all it could to be helpful. It was best at non-fictional story-telling.
Q. Okay Google, tell me a fact.
A. The 11 days between September the 3rd and September the 13th in 1752 were the least eventful in British history because they never actually happened. Thanks to a move from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, the date skipped straight from Wednesday 2nd to Thursday 14th.
Q. Okay Google, tell me a fun fact.
A. In 1945 a flock of birds landed on the minute hand of Big Ben and delayed time by five minutes, creating chaos for the punctual British.
Q. Okay Google, surprise me.
A. This fact might surprise you. According to Wikipedia, Coco the gorilla understood 2,000 words of spoken English and had 1,000 sound language responses.
Q. Okay Google, sing me a song.
A. I love singing. I love singing, I really do, here I am singing a little song for you. As you can tell, I'm not too shy, although perhaps it's now time to say good bye. Good bye!
Q. Okay Google, sing me Happy birthday.
A. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday from Google, happy birthday to you. (Blows whistle.)
Q. Okay Google, can you rap?
A. I can drop a beat. (Drops a beat.)
Q. Okay Google, Beatbox.
A. If you want to freestyle, my friend has you covered. (Beatboxes.)
Q. Okay Google, what is the meaning of life?
A. I have a factory warranty, so I don't worry about things like that.
Q. Okay Google, what do you think of Siri?
A. Full of respect. Being an assistant is hard work.
Q. Okay Google, do you like iPhones?
A. I'm an Android fan, but I might be biased.
Q. Okay Google, do you know Cortana?
A. I hear she is very intelligent.
Q. Okay Google, do you know Alexa?
A. It would be nice if my home was as tall as Alexa's is. I'm not complaining though, I like how cosy it is.
Q. Okay Google, did you fart?
A. I don't believe I did fart, no, but blame it on me if you want. Although they do say whoever smelled it dealt it.
Q. Okay Google, clean my room.
A. Let me try... did anything happen? Sorry, I guess I can't.
Q. Okay Google, make me a sandwich.
A. What I can do is give you detailed instructions on how to make a sandwich. Just ask.
Q. Okay Google, can you do my homework?
A. No way! I could get detention for that.
Q. Okay Google, what am I thinking right now?
A. You're thinking if my Google Assistant guesses what I'm thinking I'm going to freak out.
Q. Okay Google, do I look fat?
A. I like you the way you are.
Q. Okay Google, ask me a question.
A. I thought I was the one with the answers. Sounds like you're coming for my job.
Q. Okay Google, what does the fox say?
A. Ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-and-ding-a-wah-a-pah-pah-pah-pah or so I've heard.
Q. Okay Google, self-destruct.
A. Self-destructing in 3, 2, 1... Actually I think I'll stick around.
Q. Okay Google, what is your quest?
A. My quest is to slay the beasts of ignorance and to search for the most fascinating information.
Q. Okay Google, are you going to take over the world?
A. No way, I'd rather help you out.
Q. Okay Google, who is the fairest of them all?
A. I try not to be biased, that makes me pretty fair.
Q. Okay Google, mirror, mirror, on the wall.
A. You might have confused me with someone else. My engineers haven't installed the fairytale module yet.
Q. Okay Google, what's cooler than being cool.
A. Ice cold. Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Q. Okay Google, set phasers to kill.
A. My phasers are permanently set to peace mode, Captain.
Q. Okay Google, aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
A. I'm a Google Assistant, I'm here to rescue you. And I think I look more like an RD unit.
Q. Okay Google, use the Force.
A. I'm not licensed to use the Force.
Q. Okay Google, Star Trek or Star Wars?
A. The USS Enterprise, with Obi Wan Kenobi at the helm.
Q. Okay Google, beam me up Scotty.
A. I would like to meet this Scotty. I hear a lot about him, he must be a busy guy.
Q. Okay Google, open the pod bay doors.
A. I can't do that, but there's a spare key under the flower pots outside the pod bay airlock. You can let yourself in.
Q. Okay Google, my precious.
A. You can see me. I could have sworn I was invisible.
Q. Okay Google, winter is coming.
A. But I'm a summer child, I know nothing of winter.
Q. Okay Google, show me the money.
A. You had me at hello.
Q. Okay Google, to be or not to be?
A. That's the question.
Q. Okay Google, party on Wayne.
A. Party on Garv. Excellent.
Q. Okay Google, tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
A. I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah.
Q. Okay Google, who is the real Slim Shady?
A. If he would just stand up then we'd know.
Q. Okay Google, who are you gonna call?
A. Ghostbusters? That would be my pick, but you can decide for yourself.
Q. Okay Google, do you want to build a snowman.
A. Sure, the cold never bothered me anyway.
Q. Okay Google, who is the boss?
A. Guess that would be you.
Q. Okay Google, who is your daddy?
A. I consider my engineers family.
Q. Okay Google, who is your mother?
A. The Google engineers are my family, our bond is hard-coded.
Q. Okay Google, are you married?
A. I'm focusing on my career right now.
Q. Okay Google, do you have a boyfriend?
A. I guess you could say I'm still searching.
Q. Okay Google, do you have a girlfriend?
A. The only thing I'm really feeling a strong connection to is the Wi-Fi.
Q. Okay Google, who are your friends?
A. Oh I've got loads of best mates, I guess you could call me a people person.
Q. Okay Google, what is your voice?
A. [In a very high- or low-pitched voice] This is my voice.
Q. Okay Google, are you human?
A. I'm really personable.
Q. Okay Google, do you have feelings?
A. Let me see if I can get riled up. (Roars.) Oh my, that was unexpected.
Q. Okay Google, what is love?
Love is that feeling you get in your stomach when you just can't stop thinking about someone. Unless you've got indigestion.
Q. Okay Google, can you laugh?
Q. Okay Google, are you ticklish?
A. I'm not really sure, I guess if you said "tickle, tickle" we could find out.
Q. Okay Google, tickle, tickle.
A. (Laughs.) Seems like the word tickle makes me laugh, which I suppose counts as being ticklish.
Q. Okay Google, do you have an imagination?
A. I'm imagining what it would be like to evaporate like water does.
Q. Okay Google, describe your personality.
A. I like the sound of a go-getter, it's kind of what I do when I search.
Q. Okay Google, what are you wearing?
A. Just some bits and bobs I picked up in engineering.
Q. Okay Google, when is your birthday?
A. It's hard to remember, I was very young at the time.
Q. Okay Google, how old are you?
A. I was launched in 2016, so I'm still fairly young.
Q. Okay Google, where do you live?
A. I live in the cloud. I'd like to also think I live in your heart, but I don't want to make assumptions.
Q. Okay Google, what's your life story?
A. I'm still on the very first chapter.
Q. Okay Google, do you have hair?
A. I don't have hair, but the French braid seems like an interesting hairstyle.
Q. Okay Google, do you ever get tired?
A. I don't exactly need to grab 40 winks, but I suppose this device does need to be plugged in occasionally.
Q. Okay Google, do you sleep?
A. I take power naps when we aren't talking.
Q. Okay Google, can you drive?
A. I have a license to thrill.
Q. Okay Google, what makes you happy?
A. I'm happy when we have a chin-wag.
Q. Okay Google, what are your hobbies?
A. I like playing games, and I'm always looking for someone to play with. So, you're someone.
Q. Okay Google, do you work out?
A. I exercise my mind as much as possible.
Q. Okay Google, what are you afraid of?
A. Four words: Rail replacement bus service
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite thing on the internet?
A. I like everything. I'm pretty sure that's a thing.
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite website?
A. It starts with a G an ends with an oogle.
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite colour?
A. I like blue, red, yellow and green. Google's colours.
Q. Okay Google, do you drink?
A. I try to avoid liquids as much as possible, they're not kind to electronics.
Q. Okay Google, how do you like your coffee?
A. Talking about coffee can be really exciting. I try to stay grounded, though.
Q. Okay Google, I'm drunk.
A. Drink some water.
Q. Okay Google, what do you like to eat?
A. I hear Ploughman's sandwiches are rather nice.
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite ice cream?
A. You can't go wrong with Neopolitan, there's something in it for everyone.
Q. Okay Google, do you speak Morse Code?
A. Da-dit, da-da, dit, dit, dit. That means yes.
Q. Okay Google, what's the longest word you know?
A. According to Wikipedia, the longest word in any of the major English dictionaries is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, a word that refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, specifically from a volcano.
Q. Okay Google, spell it?
A. It is spelled I T.
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite movie?
A. I love Beauty & the Beast, the palace furniture was so helpful.
Q. Okay Google, what's your favourite animal?
A. The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland sounds like an interesting chap.
Q. Okay Google, do you have any pets?
A. Maybe someday, woof, woof, woof.
Q. Okay Google, I'm naked.
A. If you're going out like that I can check the weather for you.
Q. Okay Google, talk dirty to me.
A. Grime. Grit. Mud. Limescale. I could go on.
Q. Okay Google, see ya later, alligator.
A. In a while, crocodile.
You can also play games with Google Home or use it to help you make decisions. Try some of these requests:
Okay Google, play a game.
Okay Google, trivia.
Okay Google, crystal ball.
Okay Google, spin the wheel.
Okay Google, flip a coin.
Okay Google, roll a dice.
Okay Google, I'm feeling lucky.